


Whatever It Takes

by roseybxy



Series: Useless Pet [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Eventual Smut, M/M, Mentions of self-harm, Neko!Dan, Slow Burn, non-con, punk!phil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2018-12-23 14:26:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11991702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseybxy/pseuds/roseybxy
Summary: Dan hasn't seen Phil in 4 years, and is now readopted by him. He isn't happy about it, and the horrid memories from those years ago are flooding back. Will Dan ever forgive Phil? Will Phil ever get Dan's trust back?





	1. Familiar Faces

**Author's Note:**

> Wow It's finally here!  
> Sorry it took so long...  
> Enjoy and leave feedback!
> 
> Read this first: Useless Pet

**“Fuck you”**

It rings through the silent room. The only movement is the tears pouring down Dan’s cheeks. He’s shaking. _This can’t be real._

“I can explain--” Phil starts to walk forward before Dan throws on of his bags at him and his tail hides between his own legs.

“D-Don’t y-y-you dare come n-near me.” Dan shivers and Nick yanks his leash hard as a punishment for throwing things at Phil. Phil’s expression falls even more and he takes a few steps back. 

“You don’t have to do that… I deserve it honestly,” Phil says solemnly. Dan bites back a sob and scans the room for literally anywhere to run and hide. As a neko, it is his first instinct to hide when scared. But he wasn’t scared. _He was terrified_. Before Dan could stop himself he sadly muttered out;

“Why did you…” Dan cut himself off suddenly and squeezed his leaking eyes shut. Nick started to pull Dan over to the couch by his leash.

“You sit here and be good while we have your new owner fill out paperwork, yeah?” Nick suddenly yanked Dan’s leash harder, “And you better not try that shit you pulled back there again.” Nick drops his leash and walks over to the other two. Dan is panicking worse than he ever has. He balls himself up and trembles. He notices a neatly folded blanket next to him on the sofa and gently pulls it over himself, trying his best to hide. All the memories are flooding back at full force. 

Dan glances over at the three humans sitting at the table commersing about paperwork. Suddenly Dan catches Phil’s eye for a moment and Dan’s face heats up and he covers it with the warm blanket. He lets his eyes drift shut, and he blocks out all the noises. Soon he realized how emotionally tired he was, and drifted off into a nap. 

\--------

Dan suddenly awoke remembering where he was. He wished it was all a bad nightmare. Then he realised he was in a bedroom, not the sofa he was originally fallen asleep on. Someone must’ve carried him in here. _Phil._ Dan hated the feeling of knowing his hands were on him. He looked over at the nightstand next to the bed and saw a note that read;

_Come to the kitchen when you wake, I bet you’re hungry ~ Phil_

Dan’s stomach seemed to rumble on que with the note. He really didn’t want to confront Phil. He just wanted to hide. He slowly got up and noticed he was still wrapped up in the blanket he had grabbed early. He kept it wrapped tightly around him as he walked timidly into the kitchen. Phil wasn’t in there, which made him kinda nervous, but he did notice a plate of food on the table with a note next to it that read “Dan”. As soon as Dan walked towards the food he heard someone behind him and he hissed and jumped back, which made the plate fall and shatter on the ground. DAn quickly panicked and shuffled himself into the corner and mumbled “I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me” over and over again.

“Shit Dan, are you okay?” Phil started to walk towards Dan, but he saw fear collect in Dan’s eyes so he choose to stay back. It broke Phil’s heart to hear Dan cry and say those things. He thought he was going to hurt him. Phil felt terrible. 

“P-Please d-don’t hurt m-me,” Dan sobbed and curled into himself, tail tightly between his legs and ears flat. Dan pulled the blanket over his own head. 

“Dan I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.” Phil got down on the ground so he was eye level with Dan and didn’t appear as threatening. Dan still shook with fear, but Phil couldn’t help but bite back a smile when he saw Dan’s big fluffy ears peek out of the blanket. Phil gently moved the shattered plate gently and sat down, “I’m going to sit here until you feel safe, I’ll bring food to your room okay?” 

Dan stayed hidden in the corner, covering his quivering face. He didn’t trust Phil, and never planned on trusting him again. Phil had betrayed him. Completely ripped his trust in half and left him alone. Why would he ever deserve Dan’s trust? All he had done was hurt him. Dan peeked out of the blanket and as he heard a noise, which was Phil sweeping glass gently into a pile. Dan felt himself relax a little, but as soon as Phil neared closer to him he tensed back up. He held the blanket tightly in his grip and subconsciously hissed at Phil, in which Phil frowned and backed up. Dan had his ears flat against his head and his tailed wrapped defensively around himself. 

“Dan, it’s okay. No one's going to hurt you, I promise. Let’s get you back to your room, yeah?” Phil said softly. Dan’s eyes slitted and he backed more into the corner, and was breathing quickly. Phil exhaled loudly and stood up, but as soon as he did, Dan darted between him and the wall and took off to the guest room. He left the blanket behind. 

Dan shoved himself under the bed and sobbed silently. He hated feeling like this, so vulnerable and weak. So broken and useless. He heard the door open and he became completely silent. He heard what sounded like a ceramic plate being sat on the nightstand and something being laid down on the bed. Suddenly the footsteps left and the door was slowly shut. Dan waited a few moments before catching the scent of food and carefully crawling out of under the bed to find a meal for him on the nightstand. He subconsciously hurried to it and started to eat. Wow. He didn’t realize how hungry he was. He then looked over and saw a blanket laying on the bed. The one he had left in the kitchen. Now all he could smell was Phil. All over the food, the blanket, and the bed. 

Dan spit the food out and scurried back under the bed in a hurry. He heard his hungry tummy growl, but ignored it. This was torture.

_____

Hours had passed, and Dan realized he had fallen asleep under the bed. And saw a little note next to bed. Dan’s ears perked up in interest, and he smelled the air to see if Phil was anywhere near. It didn’t smell like he was home. Dan slowly moved out of under the bed and picked up the note.

_Good morning Dan, I saw you didn’t eat. I’m worried about you. I made a list of lots of restaurants that deliver. Order whatever you like! I left some money on the table. ~ Phil_

Dan was very hungry, and knowing the food wouldn’t have Phil’s smell was a plus. Dan then noticed a phone on the nightstand. Was that Phil’s? It must’ve been. Dan started to get off the floor when he felt something drag across the carpet and make him whine a bit. He immediately blushed and looked down as he saw his morning wood tenting his pants. His ears flattened and he got up to call for a pizza. 

After he made the call, he noticed his problem was starting to really strain. He didn’t want to sit and try to get rid of it here. Phil could walk in at any moment! But then an idea popped into Dan’s head. A little idea of a bit of revenge. Dan got up and waddled out of the door in search of Phil’s room. He walked about the halls a bit before coming along the room he had been looking for. He cautiously opened the door and saw the green and blue bed sheets from so long before. And then his pillows. Dan bit his lip and whimpered a little bit at the idea and zoomed over to the bed as his tailed slowly swayed back and forth. He pulled off his joggers so that he was left in his boxer briefs. He took a moment to pick a pillow. Got it. He picked the biggest and firmest one, most likely the one Phil used at night, and brought it between his legs. 

He slowly started to move his hips back and forth, immediately whining shakily and covering his mouth. He hadn’t had a chance to do something like this in a really long time. Dan held the pillow tightly in his grip and shut his eyes. He tried to push away the fact that it was Phil’s pillow, but his smell intoxicated the room. All the intimate memories flooded back. The way Phil gripped his hips. The way he kissed him. The way he made him feel good. Dan felt tears trickle down his cheeks as he thought about the last time they were intimate. When Dan had lost his virginity. He started sobbing and kicked the pillow away. He couldn’t do this, he had to go back to his room before--

The door opened to see a very confused Phil.

“I’m sor- sorry I didn’t- sorry I didn’t mean to to,” Dan panicked and fell off the bed and covered himself, feeling pathetic and gross. Phil reacted differently than Dan expected. Phil walked over slowly and set the pizza box on the nightstand and gently walked out of the room and shut the door behind him. Dan stared at the door for awhile, thinking Phil was going to return, but he didn’t. Dan shuffled over to the box and got a piece and slowly started to eat it. He had his guard up as he was still scared and insanely embarrassed. His ears stayed flat against his head and fiddled with his tail as he ate. He heard people walking around outside the room, so he was on high alert. 

After Dan was finished eating, he climbed on the bed subconsciously. He was tired. He needed a cat nap. Everything smelt like Phil though. But then again the smell was so intoxicating and almost made him feel at ease. His eyes drifted shut and he fell asleep on the bed by accident.

\--------

Dan woke up two full hours later and saw he was in the same spot he had fallen asleep and nothing had changed. He sat up quickly and was met with a brutal headache. He needed some painkillers or something, but he had no idea where those would be. He heard a female voice that sounded familiar. Very nice, soft voice. Dan quietly opened the door and peeked out to see Phil chatting with Victoria. Dan’s heart panged with some sort of not nice feeling that he couldn’t put his finger on. He shouldn’t feel anything about this. Obviously Phil is still seeing her. Maybe.

“Oh my goodness! Dan, is that you? You’re so grown up!” Victoria squealed and walked towards Dan quickly, causing Dan to hiss and back up into the room. She frowned and stopped, Phil then came up to her and told her to go wait in the living room. Dan scooted over to the wall and laid against it, breathing quickly. He suddenly heard the door creak open and saw Phil standing there. 

“Dan, I invited Victoria over here because I thought having someone else here would help calm you. At least try to talk to her, please? She’s very nice and one of my closest friends.” Phil asked quietly, not wanting Victoria to hear. Dan held his own tail in his hands and swallowed audibly. His ears twitched nervously and his heart thumped. Maybe he should just listen to him… he didn’t want to get into any trouble. Dan nodded and got up shakily, still holding his tail tight. 

“Ok-kay,” Dan looked at the ground as he rushed out of the room. He stumbled into the living room and saw Victoria smile sadly. He mumbled something under his breath and sat on the small love seat in the corner of the room. He watched her very cautiously and held a pillow to his chest. She finally broke the silence.

“How are you Dan? Have you been doing okay? I’ve been worried ever since, you know…” Victoria trailed off and looked down. Dan felt pain tang in his chest at the thought of the old terrible memory. He looked at her before looking at the ground once again. He just shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, attempting not to cry. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry Dan. I shouldn’t of said anything. Forget I asked. How about you tell me some stuff you like!” She tried her best to lighten the mood and make Dan loosen up. Dan wasn’t really budging. 

“I kinda didn’t have the chance to know what things I like.” Dan said suddenly, but quietly. Vic perked up and looked at him.

“Oh, I see. Well I brought something I think you will like!” Vic then pulled a plate out of her bag that was all wrapped up. She vigorously undid the wrapping to reveal some freshly made brownies. Dan’s ears shot straight up and his nose twitched in interest. He found himself getting up slowly and even crawling towards her. Once he realized what he was doing, he backed up and crawled back on the chair. 

“Aww, Dan it’s okay. Here have one!” She put the plate on the floor and slid it over to Dan. Dan carefully grabbed one and got back in his seat and nibbled on it happily. It tasted amazing. Better than anything he’d had in awhile. He savored the taste and ate it quickly. 

“Thank you,” Dan squeaked and blushed. He watched as she smiled big.

“Of course darling, have as many as you like.”

\--------

After about thirty minutes of silence between the two, Phil walked into the room and sat down. He gave Vic a look, and she nodded and started to get up. She seemed to be leaving. Dan looked confused at her and she smiled.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Danny, I’ll bring you some more treats!” She cheered and walked out the door. Dan now felt panicked again as he was alone in a room with Phil now. Phil exhaled loudly and looked at Dan.

“We have to talk at some point Dan. You know better than anyone we need to talk.” Phil muttered and nervously looked at Dan. Dan nodded and glanced at him before looking away again. Dan stayed silent and hugged the pillow. 

“Dan I literally walked into my room to find you humping my pillow and crying. Talk to me.” Phil demanded. Dan’s ears flattened against his head and he heard Phil get angry. Dan felt tears start to form in his eyes and he did his best to shake them away, but he failed. Water leaked down his cheeks and a small hiccup was heard. Phil’s expression softened quickly and he nervously sucked on his snakebites. 

“Dan I’m sorry. But we do need to talk eventually.” And with that, Phil got up and walked out of the room. Dan’s sobs cracked and echoed through the room. He sadly got up and tiptoed to the guest room. He crawled back under the bed and curled into himself, holding his tail in his grip. The old mistakes, bad memories, and harsh words consumed him. Leaving him with that old scared feeling all over again. Loneliness.


	2. Desires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for this chapter: light non-con

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two about a month later :P  
> Sorry I've been really busy recently, and I have literally no clue when chapter 3 will be out.  
> But I'll try my hardest to have it out as soon as possible.

Dan woke up to the sound of a _crash_. He panicked, ears flattening and hands shaking. It had came from the Phil’s bedroom. He didn’t dare go check, afraid of being confronted again. He cowered away in fear and pushed himself farther under the bed. He heard faint cussing, but then another voice that sounded more than pleased. Or Pleasured. Dan could almost smell the sex in the air. Now knowing what the sound was coming from, the moans were very clear. Low grunts and high whines. The sounds took him back to those many years before, making him nauseous at the thought. But also he felt a pang of something in his chest. He wasn’t sure what it was exactly, but it hurt. Hearing Phil with someone else.

Dan covered his fluffy ears with his hands and curled more into himself. He felt tears start to trickle down his cheeks slowly. He felt absolutely pathetic. Why should he feel this way? Jealous almost? Phil was horrible to him and his body feels jealous. Wow. His body felt heavy, so did his eyes. He then heard a bedroom door open. Footsteps followed. A conversation could be heard in the hall. 

“Hey, sorry for breaking your lamp… during that,” The boy blushed and giggled. 

“I said it was okay Kitten, I was way too focused on you to care anyways,” Phil bit his lip gently as he looked at the boy in front of him. 

“I guess so,” more giggles followed from the mystery boy, “I’ll see you again I presume?”

“Indeed baby, I’ll call you,” Phil kissed the boys cheek and watched as he left his flat. Guilt felt strong in his chest.

Dan heard the front door shut, knowing the stranger had left. Their smell was still in the air though. Next thing Dan knew, the door to his room opened and he saw Phil’s feet. Well, Phil’s mitch matched socks. Dan was under the bed, so he was not in Phil’s range of sight. At least he thought he wasn’t. His tail was peeking out of under the bed. He panicked as he saw Phil started to get down on the ground. 

“Dan, it can’t be comfortable down there. Come out here, I’ll order us some food. We can watch a movie or something. It’d be nice if we could talk, or just be in the same room without you being scared and nervous. There’s nothing to be scared of here I promise. How about you just come out of down there, yeah?” Phil stated.

“Lie,” Dan mumbled.

“What do you mean ‘Lie’?” Phil questioned.

“You said there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“There isn’t.”

“Then how come _you’re_ here?”

Phil became silent, not responding. Dan saw him get up slowly and walk towards the door. Why couldn’t Phil understand that Dan didn’t trust him? Dan still doesn’t understand why he was here. He couldn’t stand being here, he was scared and has every right to be. He wanted to run away. Dan had every right not to feel safe. Suddenly Phil broke the silence.

“I know I made a huge mistake those years before… but I’ve matured and am willing to do anything to help you. The key word in the sentence is _WILLING_. Because you’re not even willing to let me try. You’re just shutting me out. Not letting yourself be happy.” Phil sighed and walked out to the living room. Dan sat in silence and looked at the ground. Phil was right. But Dan shouldn’t feel like the villain here, this is all Phil’s fault. Dan doesn’t want to give him another chance. Dan slowly scooted out of under the bed and shakily stood up. His knees felt weak and his cheeks were damp with silent tears. He gently wiped his cheek with his oversized sleeve. 

~~~~

Three hours had passed and both boys were sitting silently in the living room watching television. Phil seemed to gently glance at Dan every once in awhile. Dan tensed a little every time he did. Dan sat on the end of the other couch, as far away from Phil as possible. Phil hadn’t tried to talk to Dan when he entered, but Phil did smile a little. Phil tried not to giggle as Dan’s tail would flick when something exciting would happen on the tv. Dan was thirsty and quietly stood up. 

He stood there silent, not knowing exactly what to say. He glanced at Phil, who was looking at him curiously, and then back to the ground. He looked over to the hallway to the kitchen, and then back to the floor.

“C-Could I get a glass of w-water?” Dan mumbled, breaking the silence. Phil looked over and smiled big as the cute boy spoke up. 

“Of course Dan, you don’t have to ask,” Phil gleaned. Dan nodded slightly and moved quickly out of the room and his tail swayed behind him. Phil bit his lip gently and sucked on his snake bites as he saw Dan’s cute ass jiggle as he ran off. Phil felt things starting to happen in his pants that he definitely didn’t want to happen. He shuffled uncomfortably as his pants got a little too tight. As he saw Dan walk back into the room, he put a pillow on his lap. His hips slightly jumped at the pressure that was applied, making Phil blush and grab a blanket also. 

Dan looked at Phil confused and just walked over to his seat. He nervously fiddled with his tail and every once in awhile he sipped his water. He kept a close eye on Phil and made sure he wasn’t going to try anything. Phil eventually calmed down and tossed the pillow aside. Dan yawned softly and ended up curling up on the couch and dozing off. 

~~~~~

Dan woke up to a door knock. Phil was no longer in the room and was nowhere in sight. Dan didn’t know if he should open the door or not. What if it was someone important. Suddenly he caught the smell of the person outside the door. It was the same person that was there yesterday. That boy.

Dan became too curious and went up to the door and opened it. There was a boy neko in front of him. He had brown hair and brown eyes. Curly fluffy hair and looked kinda similar to Dan. Before Dan could say anything he was cut off.

“Oh my! Did Philly order you too? He didn’t tell me he was wanting a three some this time,” The boy giggled, “I’m Matt, but when Phil and I are fucking he calls me Dan.”

Dan was stunned into silence. This boy, Matt, was a _neko escort_. Phil had been paying a neko to fuck. And he called this stranger Dan. Before Dan could think anymore, the nekos hands were on him. 

“You’re pretty, where did he rent you from? Was does he call you? Philly really does have a type! How about we get you all excited so he’s extra happy to be greeted by us!” Matt squeaked and started to let a hand linger down between Dan’s legs. Dan panicked and hissed, falling back onto the ground. Tears collected in Dan’s eyes immediately, old memories crashed and rattled through his brain. 

“P-Please n-n-no I’m not--” Dan couldn’t catch his breath, Matt’s face fell and he got down on his knees in front of Dan. 

“Darling I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize you were his neko, fuck I’m so sorry. I can leave if that helps--” Matt was stopped as Phil walked in. Fear flooded Phil’s eyes as he saw the situation. 

“H-How c-c-could you d-do this to me?! You only w-want me for sex don’t you!” Dan sobbed and shook. Phil shook his head quickly.

“Dan no please listen. He’s just to help me blow off some steam--” 

“Blow off some steam?! You call him _Dan!_ ” Dan shuffled away and covered his face. Phil looked even more guilty than earlier, “And to think, I was considering giving you another chance.” Dan hiccuped.

Matt seemed to have found his way out the door, as he wasn’t there anymore. Phil was silent and when Dan peeked up at him, he realized Phil had tears rushin down his cheeks. Dan’s tail wrapped tightly around himself. 

“I’m sorry.” Phil broke down and slid to the floor. Dan had never seen Phil so broken looking. Dan felt his heart tang in pain. Maybe just this once he could try. Phil looked like he needed a hug. Dan gently crawled forward, blocking out all of the things his brain was telling him. He knew Phil doesn’t deserve this from him, but he was going to do it anyways. Dan inched forward and crawled into Phil’s lap… and gave him a soft _hug_.

Phil smiles into Dan’s hair and gently put his arms around Dan. Dan subconsciously started purring as Phil started playing with his hair. Phil felt so happy. This is the first time Dan’s allowed Phil to touch him since he came here. Phil was then _rudely_ interrupted by the door bell.

Dan’s ears flattened and he scurried away from Phil. Phil frowned at the loss, but got up. When he got to the door, he opened it. His mum. 

“Hi darling! I just brought you some things--” She suddenly stopped as she saw Dan, “Are you insane?” She added.

“Mum stop.” 

“You put that poor thing through a living Hell, and now you’ve brought him back? Are you _kidding_ me? How’s he supposed to settle in when he’s around you all the time!” She scolded. 

Dan kinda had to keep himself from laughing, but also he felt kinda happy that Phil’s mum cared so much about him. 

“You know what. I think you need to go sleep at my place for one night and I’ll stay here. Dan should feel more comfortable with me, and will be able to explore the place better. Get more used to it, without having to worry about you all the time.” Phil’s mum offered. Phil looked down shamefully and sighed. 

“Fine.” Phil muttered and walked off towards his room. Katherine smiled big and sat down by Dan.

“Hello honey, I hope being around me will make you feel a whole lot better. I’m just a little old woman, I can do no harm! I can also make you whatever food you want. How about we go get you tucked into bed for a nap, you look awfully tired young man,” She smiled and lent out a hand. Dan actually felt comfortable with her, so he took her hand and stood up.

Dan followed her to the room he had been staying in. She had him change into pajamas and then he climbed into the bed. She gently laid the sheets over him and then kissed his forehead, making Dan blush. 

“You sleep well honey, you need all the rest you can get. Come get me if you need anything” Katherine then turned the lamp off and walked out of the room, leaving the door cracked. Dan could hear Phil as he left the apartment. He shut his eyes and cuddled up with the pillows. It definitely didn’t take him long to fall back asleep. His dreams were filled with all the cuddles and nice things he and Phil used to have together. He started crying while he was sleeping just at the thoughts alone. 

_Alone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Leave feedback!


	3. Do you remember the time?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil's having a hard time to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some mentions of suicide in this chapter. I tried not to make it too graphic. It happens in a flashback scene. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, though it's kinda short. 
> 
> THIS WHOLE CHAPTER IS IN PHIL'S POV
> 
> A!!ll paragraphs in italics are flashbacks!!

Phil's POV

_All those years before…_

**June 9th, 2013**

_Jesus Christ. Fuck I don’t think I can hold off any longer._

_Dan is so tight. Like fuck. Fuck. I grip his hips and slam into him, barely keeping control of myself. He’s so beautiful. His face is completely washed over in pleasure. His eyes are dazed and his mouth is emitting these fucking amazing sounds. They are certainly not helping the fact that I’m going to unload in him at any second._

_I lean down and graze my teeth over his bare neck and watch as his breath quickens. His neck is his sweetest spot. I find myself sucking and biting the skin right below his ear. He’s so fucking squirmy and adorable like this. Dan’s tail is wrapped around one of my legs, and every time I hit his prostate his tail tightens a little. His ears twitch every few seconds, and his breathing is at a rapid pace. I can tell he’s close, he’s leaking all over his stomach._

_“You’re doing so well Dan, I love you,” I whispered into his ear. That was the last good thing I would ever say to him._

_Then the door flew open._

_Everything froze._

_A woman screamed._

_And I made the biggest mistake of my life._

\--------

I woke up in a cold sweat and shot straight up. That day still echoes in my dreams. It doesn’t help the fact that I now have to look at Dan, who’s life I completely fucked up. I’m trying to fix what I did, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to. Dan will never trust me again, and well, I don’t blame him. He’s so grown up now… even more Handsome. I just want to hold him and make sure he’s alright. He barely lets me touch him though. My mom had to interrupt the one time he had actually touched me since I adopted him again.

I’m currently sleeping in my old room at my mum’s house. This room is like my personal Hell. Everywhere I look is a remember of the horrible thing I did. Things I should say. What the fuck is wrong with me? How could I do that to someone? Especially Dan. I can’t live with myself. I even tried to commit suicide when I was 20. I tried to bleed out, to make sure I suffered. I knew what I was doing still didn’t amount to what I did to Dan. 

My friend, PJ, was the one that found me on the floor in my living room at my apartment at the time. He panicked and called the police, my mum made me stay at her house for months because she wanted to have an eye on me at all times. I moved to a different flat after that. My mum calls me about a million times a day now, drops by unexpectedly, and doesn’t let me have any personal space. I still love her though. She was all I had. 

My other friends didn’t want anything to do with me for awhile after the day I fucked up Dan’s life forever. Victoria said she believed me and understood, but I couldn’t bare to look at her after it. I broke up with her, and she did not take it well. She was the definition of a crazy ex girlfriend after that. Recently we started talking again, but I still feel off around her. Dan likes her at least I think? 

Speaking of Dan, I wonder what he and my mother are doing right now. Who am I kidding, she’s probably making cookies and ordering him anything he wants. I miss him already, and he doesn’t even like me. 

\----------

**June 9th, 2015**

_I just finished unpacking. This is the first flat I’ve ever owned by myself. I can’t believe I’m alone now. Sure my mum calls every once in awhile, but still. I could get a pet or something I guess to keep me company? A hamster? A bird? … a cat?_

_I shake my head quickly and look down. I just realized I still have one box left to unpack. I get down on the floor and open the box slowly. This was a mistake._

_It was some of Dan’s things that I kept after they took him away. Mostly just clothes, but fuck I thought my mum threw this stuff away. My eyes sting a familiar sting and my fists clench shut. I’m feeling more angry than I am feeling sad. Then something else clicks. The date today. It’s been exactly two years since the whole incident happened. Two years._

_I find myself standing up again, holding a shirt of his in my hand. I feel a tear slip down my cheek. Next thing I know I’m punching the wall. I’ve dropped the shirt on the ground and I’m sobbing and punching a wall. I fucking hate myself. What the actual fuck is wrong with me? How could I do that to a person? To Dan of all people… fuck I deserve the worst. I deserve to die. I deserve to suffer and die a slow death._

_I deserve this. My knuckles are all bloody and bruised, but that doesn’t stop be from punching a fucking mirror and watching the glass shatter. I look down at all the shattered, sharp glass and lean down. I grab a piece._

_I deserve this._

\----------

So yeah, I didn’t really move apartments because I wanted to. I was kicked out after only one day of living there. I damaged the place really bad, and also myself. I’ve been a lot better lately. I go to therapy twice a month. I have anti depressants to help me a little bit, so I don’t get into another funk. This all could’ve been avoidable though. If I just wouldn’t of done what I did to Dan. 

I need to get my mind off this. 

I run downstairs and try to find something to eat in the fridge, but I don’t feel hungry. I just feel sad. I just feel alone and broken, but nobody should sympathize for me. Dan had to feel a million more times sad and broken after what I did. 

Maybe I should just try to go back to sleep. Maybe that would help. I slowly make my way up the stairs and into my old room. I lay down in the bed and try my best to go to sleep.

\----

_2 Days later_

I just got back to my flat and my mum is outside the door giving me the look of “What the fuck were you thinking”. She’s shaking her head.

“You bought a neko escort and called it Dan?!” Was the first thing to come out of her mouth. My eyes widened, why out of all things would Dan tell her that? 

“I g-got lonely and--” I tried to explain myself, but she cut me off.

“Even if you were lonely, Dan is in that apartment and is trying his best to get used to it. DId you think bringing someone in the house like that was going to help the situation? It’s bad enough you brought him back into this mess.” She then walked over and hugged me tight, “You know I love you Honey, but if you really want that poor boys trust back you’re going to have to give it your 200%. He’s hurting really bad, I held him in my arms last night as he cried and cried and rambled on. I’m proud of him for all the things he said. And you know what honey? He really wants to trust you again. He said that. He wants to badly. You just have to prove that you won’t hurt him again.” 

“How do I do that Mum?” I felt a tear trickle down my cheek and I hugged her back. 

“I’m not sure, but I know you’ll figure it out honey bun.” She kissed my cheek and walked off to her car, “I love you, make sure you’re taking all your meds and eating all three meals!” She always worries.

I smile through my few tears and respond, “I will Mum, I love you too.”

It’s time to go inside now. Dan wants to trust me again. I’m going to use every fiber in my body to make sure that happens. Because I love Dan. 

I make it to the front door and open it slowly. My heart's beating a million beats a second it feels like. As soon as the doors fully open, I see Dan standing there. He’s holding his tail in his hands and his ears are all perked up. He doesn’t look upset, but doesn’t look that happy either. He opens his mouth and starts to say something;

“I’m ready to talk.”


	4. Tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day  
> Sorry I posted this so late.  
> Enjoy :D

“I’m ready to talk.”

Phil’s standing in front of me with fresh tears on his cheeks. I don’t know how I can try not to hug him tightly. He looks so sad. No, we need to talk first. Strictly business. I nervously held onto my tail and looked at him with wide eyes. Phil walked forward a little and gave a not-so-convincing smile.

“Okay, let’s go into the living room then.” Phil took off his coat and sat down on the sofa. I softly stepped into the room and took a seat in the loveseat. I felt like he was reading me over and watching my every move. I gently let got of my tail and let it carefully sweep back and forth across the floor. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I felt tears want to come pouring out of my eyes. No. I won’t let myself look weak in front of him anymore.

“Phil.” I whispered. I need to get right into the important question. His eyes lit up and he looked very eager to listen. I calmed myself down a bit more before speaking up again, “Did you only adopt me, so you could feel better about yourself?” His face dropped significantly. My heart ached just the smallest bit. Phil was no longer looking me in the eyes, his gaze was at his own hands. I waited silently for him to respond, but nothing. I was about to ask him again when he finally opened his mouth.

“Dan. Why would I bring you back here just to use you? After all I did, you think I want to… do you take me for that low of scumbag? Do you honestly think I just want to feel better about myself? How do you take our current situation and think I just want to feel better about myself?” Phil was fuming all of a sudden. I sunk further down into my seat. My ears went flat against my head and my tail was between my legs. Where did that come from? Did I really strike a nerve? He’s trying to get my trust back, but he’s yelling at me?

“All you did was use me before! Why would I think anything good when I hear your name! You’re an asshole and a selfish prick! You ruined my life forever and then you had the audacity to bring me back into your life. You fucked me over in more ways than one and,” I didn’t even notice I was standing now, “you lied to me several times.” I was moving towards him, “Why the fuck would I ever fucking trust you, you piece of fucking shit! All you wanted from me was sex! You wanted to be able to use me whenever it was convenient to you!” I breathed heavily, but became very confused when I saw Phil smirking slightly.

“You’re really convincing, you know?” Phil stood up, towering over me. He makes me feel even smaller.

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” 

“Well you stand here and say you hate me, that I’m a piece of shit… that you don’t want me,” He gently licked over his snakebites, “but now you’re cheeks are all flushed just at the mere fact you’re talking about me fucking you. Oh.. and also you’re not very good at hiding the fact you’re turned on.” And with that his hand slid down my body and cupped over the very prominent erection I didn’t realise I had until now. My knees were weak, but I gasped in shock and pushed him back with the little strength I had. He fell back onto the couch and looked at me.

“Why!... You little…” I couldn’t form words. I pulled my shirt over my crotch, but didn’t move. He looked at me as if he was challenging me. 

“What?” He taunted. I was shaking with anger, but then I did something I could not undo.

“Fuck it.”

I lunged forward onto his lap and caught his lips in a heated kiss. Everything was hot. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. My ears were relaxed and my tail was wrapped around him. Little whines left my mouth as I subconsciously grinded down against his hardening bulge. I could taste the metal of his tongue piercing against me tongue. I honestly didn’t mind it. I felt myself purring. 

He held onto my hips and rubbed himself up against me. God this felt amazing. I wanted all of him. Every single part. He suddenly disconnected are lips and found his way to my neck. The feeling of his snakebites scratching over my neck was amazing. I mewled and onto him. I felt one of his hands go under my shirt and slowly make its way to my nipples. He pinched his fingers over them, getting a whine out of me in response. 

I had both my hands under his shirt at this point, scratching down his back. I felt like I was going to explode in my pant at any moment. Shit. I pulled him off of me quickly and he looked at me concerned. I dropped onto the floor between his legs and looked up at him. I think he mumbled fuck or something. I slowly licked over the bulge in his pants. His bulge was huge. I wanted him in my mouth. 

I ever-so-slowly undid his fly and mouthed over his cock through his underwear. I heard his breath stop for a moment. His tangled his fingers in my hair and massaged my head gently. I grabbed the top of his boxer briefs and pulled them down, making his cock spring free. Phil has precum beading down his dick, right on his prince Albert piercing he had. I felt my face heat up even more as I took him in my hand. I cautiously stroked him and kept looking up at him for permission. 

“That’s it, my good boy,” Phil moaned. That brought something out of me. I took the head of his cock in my mouth and sucked gently. The salty taste of precum filled my warm mouth. I took more of his cock in my mouth and purred around it, sending intense vibrations to him. Phil mumble fuck under his breath and groaned loudly. God he was so hot like this. I pulled off him and laid a long lick from his balls all the way up to his tip before putting him in my mouth again. I was trying my best to please him. Shit I wanted to make him feel good. 

I started bobbing my head slowly, jerking off the part of his cock I couldn’t fit. I was rubbing my bulge against the sofa, trying to get some sort of relief. Suddenly memories started flooding back. When I was doing this exact same thing all those years before, when Victoria almost caught us. Then his friends caught us. Then I went into heat. Then we fucked. And the rest is history. Hot tears started to pour down my cheeks, but I didn’t pull off. 

I could taste more precum coating my tongue. I could hear Phil saying things, but I wasn’t sure what. I think I heard him say he was close. My sucking became more sloppy and I was visibly shaking. I was no longer purring. I felt my hair get pulled, and then the taste of cum filled my mouth. I swallowed the load in my mouth and pulled off of him. I was trembling and tears were all over my cheeks. Phil wiped tears off my cheeks, he was shaking. 

“D-Dan.. Are you okay? Talk to me,” His voice was a lot less dominate now. He sounded actually concerned and scared. I looked up at him with big doey eyes and carefully climbed up into his lap. I felt like I was out of my body. Phil was saying things to me, whispering sweet nothings. I put my hand on his cheek and sniffled. I leaned closer and pressed my lips gently to his. This kiss was much softer and loving than before. He hugged me close and softly played with my hair.

“This doesn’t mean I forgive you, I shouldn’t of let this happen. I should’ve just stayed calm and talked things out… instead of what we just did. You still have to understand I can’t completely trust you yet. I can’t forgive you now, but I’m slowly getting there. You have to give me time, Phil. Just be patient with me.” I spoke shakily, choking up in a small sob every few words. But when I looked up at Phil he had tears on his cheeks as well.... And he was smiling. 

“Danny, that’s all I could ask for. That you are in fact starting to let me show you, you can trust me again. I’ll wait as long as you need to forgive me,” Phil wiped the tears off my cheeks and kissed it. A hot blush flooded my face. I wrapped my tail around his wrist and pulled it off my cheek. He looked confused for a moment, but then I spoke up again.

“Alright Lester, we’re not playing this game of you get to finish, but then something happens and I get blue balled again.” I was in a fit of giggles and blushing, tears no longer falling. A smirk grew on Phil’s face and then suddenly his hands were on my hips. He caught my lips in a kiss. I draped my arms around his neck once more and threaded my fingers in his hair. I felt one of his large hands rubbing little circles with his palm over the little bulge in my briefs. A moan came right out of me, causing my blush to darken.

“Cheeky Kitty.” Phil cooed and ran his other hand over my bum. He squeezed it, which made me squeak. He started pulling down my underwear just a little so that my cock popped up. He ran his thumb over the head, making me shiver. He teasingly started jerking my dick, stopping sometimes just to watch me squirm. Suddenly, Phil grabbed my sides and flipped us over so that I was laying on my back on the sofa and me was above me. He pulled my shirt up once more and started to kiss over my nipples. He started to suck and bite, leaving hickeys scattered all over my stomach. They lead down to my cock. He licked over the tip, driving me crazy. I was already leaking all over my tummy. He took all of me in his mouth easily, bobbing his head just a little. I felt his tongue swirling around me. His tongue piercing against the head of my cock felt amazing. I was already feeling like I was going to explode at any moment. 

“Ph-Phil, I’m c-close,” I stuttered out and gripped his hair. I never thought in all my life I would ever get a blowjob from Phil Lester. Then again I never thought I find myself in his life again. Then all too soon, I was cumming. Everything was hot, I was throbbing. I could feel Phil swallowing around me. I want all of him. I whimper and mewl so sound I bet the neighbors could hear. I don’t even care at this point in time. I actually felt happy. Phil gently pulled off me and grabbed some tissues from the coffee table and wiped me off. He then pulled my underwear backup and flopped on top of me. He cuddled me tightly and warm.

“You’re so snuggly, like a little teddy bear.” Phil gleamed and nuzzled me. He was so cute sometimes, even with his bad ass looking exterior. I giggled in response and held onto him. He used his free hand to grab a blanket off the floor and drape it around us. I felt myself slowly falling into a nap. 

\-------------

I woke up with Phil still wrapped around me. My head was snuggled up against his chest as he rubbed my back. He was so very warm. I loved every second of this. I was purring very loudly at this point. I heard Phil snicker to himself. My ears were relaxed and pressed against Phil’s neck. 

“I see you’re awake now, Danny. You have been purring so much in your sleep I felt like I was cuddling a soft vibrator,” He laughed and kissed my head. I blushed and hid my face in his t-shirt. 

“Shut up you love it,” I giggled and nuzzled him. We were all cuddled up when we heard the door unlocking. I braced myself to be pushed off the couch, but nothing happened. Someone walked in and Phil held my tighter. He didn't push me off. Victoria walked into the living room giving an almost warning glance. Something in her eyes felt cold. Suddenly she was all smiley, sitting down on the loveseat. 

“Hey Phil, can I talk to you in the kitchen for a moment?” She had such a fake smile on her face. Something was definitely off. Phil blushed a little as he reached to grab his pants he must’ve discarded while we were sleeping. I swear I saw her roll her eyes as he pulled his pants back on. He kissed my head and ruffled my hair before walking away with Victoria into the kitchen. I sat there in silence, faintly hearing their voices. I wanted to snoop, but I decided against it. 

I played with my tail silently from a while before I heard footsteps nearing me. Victoria glanced at me coldly before leaving the apartment, slamming the door shut. Phil slowly trudged into the living room, smile now off his face. He looked at mean gave me a sad smile. 

He then sat down next to me on the couch and brushed my curls out of face. 

“Before we take this any further, I need to talk to you about something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!  
> Leave a kudos and a comment!!

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: omb-hcs.tumblr.com
> 
> My Twitter: omegadanyul
> 
> Leave comments below!  
> Have a wonderful life, you beautiful humans :3


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